yknarc
Thu, 19 Sep 02, 6:21 AM
Hi again, this is a follow up to the other post I just did. Although this can be read separately images/smiles/icon_smile.gif
Well, I don't know now if I will ever get the courage to try and do another "Pee Holding" in Public again...To this level anyway images/smiles/icon_sad.gif
I had alway's usually held in My house, before until I started to lose control. After drinking alot of water, or juice. Yet, over about the past two year's, I have been thinking more about satisfying My urge's, and fantasizing about being more daring. I know it's even better if I am turned on by needing to Pee while in Public. So I started recently holding when I am shopping and needing to Pee. But, I have been too chicken to bring myself, too close to the loss of control point. Although, I had brought myself as far as having a heavy spasm in the Supermarket a few month's ago, obviously needing to Pee r-e-a-l-l-y bad. Although, the thrill felt sooo good, it scared me alot. It was the type that suddenly hit, in full forse, and I had to jerk my hip's back, and crouch, and press my leg's together, franticallly, to prevent from Peeing. I had only a couple of can's in My basket, but I put them back and left to find a bathroom. I lost my nerve.
It had felt like all my holding muscle's had just gave out, and my spincter started strong trembling fluttering, quick off an on pulse's, from releasing to holding. Oh, that sensation, is to die for, but it absolutely made me panic because of where it happened. And, oh man, it seemed like every MAN was around that ISLE, at the time...What were they doing there?...They probably didn't really know what had happened but it was freaky. I actually had difficultly leaving the isle, because of cart's suddenly blocking it, and I had to stand to get their attention. I was scared of another spasm. Yet the isle had been empty when I started in it...It definately seem's that you'll wet faster if your in Public, because of additional Adrenaline, and Fear. So it's extra excitement, but extra scary too.
Prior to trying this stuff, my first "gutsy" in Public Holding, before I started holding while shopping...was I drank the water, and brought myself, to where I started to wet if I tried to stand still for more than 10 or so second's. I would feel INTENSE pressure if I sat, and this make's sweat pour from my face, and I moan, and rock out of control. Yet, I still find that what I WANT to happen, is to completely Pee myself with out being able to stop...(like it happened when I "accidently" had wet in my pant's). Yet, it seems I would just get to this point, of "spurting" if I stop and stand still. Or spread my leg's, and bend. Or, (oddly enough, stretching my arm's over my head, make's me Pee in that state too). It does eventually build enough pressure, that it's so bad, I start "uncontrolably pushing" out Pee, even when holding myself. The pressure come's strong from the bottom of my back, and in sudden urge's, while I have fluttering and spasm's in My Spincter Muscle's. It force's a strong 'PUSH', the urge to push is incredible, yet I can bring my mind to fight this urge and hold the Pee anyway. Yet the pressure and push, I cannot stop from happening, at that point. My entire pelvic area goe's intensely tight, and the pressure increases....Ahhh it's incredible...But, what generally happen's by this point, is that I start to hold myself, and cross my leg's, while I lose the battle with the pressure spasm's...And long stream's of Pee are forced out. I also find that when you need to Pee so bad it's uncomfortable, and I feel dampness and slipperyness...This make's my urge to Pee harder to resist/hold also.
Yet, all through this, if I keep moving around and walking, it's almost like I can go forever holding. I just kept giving in to the urge's and sensatition's, I guess, and would alway's start playing, these game's to make myself lose control...Like hold my breath with my leg's spread, arm's stretched high over my head, for 50 second's, then add some time...Or whatever...But, I really wanted much more fear in it, and I wanted to really let it go to the point of NO RETURN...Not let any go, if I could hold it.
And I wanted some experience's outside, and in Public (but controlled, of course)... Well, prior to what just happened to me last week, the closet I got to this, was that I held in the house, brought myself as I said to where I was in danger of Wetting. I could not stand still without the Pee threatening to start, for more than 10 Second's. This was without any arm's above the head or anything. I was having back spasm's, and couldn't sit without intense unbearable pressure and moaning. I was at the point, I start to hold myself. But, I hadn't allowed myself to actually Pee. I put my trench coat on, and had to keep moving so as not to start wetting.
I had planned to go for a little walk until I started to go Pee, and get the mail, and thing's. But, when I left the house, I had a hard time locking the door, because I was shaking so bad. There were a tonne of Teenaged Boy's all standing a couple of door's away, and paying attention. I felt fear, because I was sure they could see something was wrong with me. I decided I had to go back in the house, this wasn't what I planned. Peeing myself with only the "fear" of the possibility of having someone around was what I had wanted. There should have been nobody around that time of day, but it wasn't to be.
But, they continued to stare. So I decided I would go into the gararge first, to at least look like I went outside for some purpose. As I tried to unlock the Garage door, I really started wetting, and then had still to pull it open. Although, I had already long been having spasm's, by that point, and even that uncontrolled pushing was starting. I anticipated a bit more time before I would start peeing. But, I couldn't control the spasm created just from that stopping, and because I couldn't hold myself, I couldn't completely stop the stream. However, I did eventually get it stopped, but only after I got into the garage. I felt wet. As soon as I got inside, where it was darker, I had crouched and held myself with a vengence. I then turned to wrench the door closed, and that started me Peeing again. I then ran to the back of the garage, and bent and held myself fiersely. I overcame, alot of sudden spasm's overtaking me, and the urge to Pee had become incredibly intense. The pushing feeling grew wildly intensive. I had only light warm dampness I could feel. I tried to look, and as much as I thought I had Peed already, you could not really see anything.
Once I had regained enough control. Knowing, I was not long from wetting myself, I lost my nerve of wanting to do it right there, because they might see what I had done.
So I came out and tried to act slow and normal, I locked the door. And slowly walked to the house. Not realizing at first that I had locked the door to the house too. I had to unlock that. I started peeing (and I could hear it), as I unlocked the house door, I tried to stop once in the house, but only slowed the stream, and then gave into the intensive urge's to push. I completely peed in the foyer. It was nice.
Now, to FINALLY get to what just happened to me. Now that garage incident was in the winter. So I finally again, get the nerve to try and do somthing even more daring. I planned this out for several day's. I really wanted to let myself get to the nearly wetting point, while shopping. I didn't want to give up for fear, but really take myself to the danger zone for once. I alway's chicken out, but at the point, where I probably still have 45 or an hour, before I would start to actually Pee. AND, I wanted to finally lose ALL CONTROL, (not spurt's). So I planned to Pee myself in my car, so nobody could see.
What I planned to do was go shopping, until I started to actually have the first "spurt's" of Pee come out. No matter how scared I got. I planned to "Hold" it, and then get into my car and "hold it" for the long drive home. I brought some towel's with me and put them in the trunk. I wanted to make it even more challenging to have to get into the trunk.
So I went to Wal-Mart. It's a little less than an hour from Our house. I knew they have a huge parking lot, so I could park at the very furthest away, and far away from where the cart return would be. I wanted to forse myself to do all of that, "casually".
So I drank alot before I left my house, so that I needed to go really bad in Wal-Mart. I also took a 'Durex', which is basically a 'Water Pill' (earlier that day). (First time I tried that, but learned from the board's a while back that some found it helped for when you really start to go Pee, to "totally Wet yourself". Instead of just in spurt's).
So I got the nerve up to do this, finally last week. When I arrived, I really had to go bad, and while I shopped in Wal-Mart I was very distracted. It was a weird sensation too, which made it more scary. I had made myself hold for a long time, from earlier to weaken muscle's, then only increasing to alot of water before I left. It was the type where you feel more numbness, and the sensation of needing to Pee, but it's more right there, but with not alot of sense of "how bad"...Yet your really scared to take your attention off of holding. (I don't know if that make's any sense). My back-up plan was that if I would start to lose control, I would get into a change room, or try to make it into the bathroom.
After a while, the need to Pee stronger, and in a way this was easier, as I could feel my level of control over it now. Because I could feel the amount I needed to Pee, and not that weird feeling like I could, "already be Peeing"...
It grew and I started to feel panic. I had began to feel some light spasm's...quick fluttering...but, still with enough control not to Pee. I continued to shop. After while I could feel I was very desparate, and my level of panic was growing intense. I was starting to have some intensive spasm's, that I now had to get under control. I knew I was getting too scared to continue much longer. I was starting to really panic as I looked at the line-up's at the Till's. I forced myself to continue to shop for 'Every single item', I was going to make myself pick-up, know matter how bad I got. And look the item's over naturally. But, was slowly chickening out of it. I had to go all the way over to the Women's Cloting area now, on the other side of the store. For a pack of sock's.
I knew I was starting to get in trouble, because I was getting fluttering pulse's even while walking, and it was lasting longer. When I was nearest the change room's I contemplated that for a second (mainly to go inside and be able to spread my leg's, for a second, and stand still, to test how close I was getting to losing it. I was afraid to stand still where I was, to test it out, in case I started Peeing and couldn't stop. It would also have given me the ability to hold myself for a second too. I was getting the strong urge to hold with my hand by now.) I was having great difficult focusing on anything for long, could barely talk, or walk straight, and was starting to feel sweaty, and shaky, and terrified. My heart was pounding. I am not even sure it was fun, I was sooo scared. I never brought myself to that level before, somewhere that I could actually get caught. I swear the fear of getting caught make's it harder to hold.
Anyway, I went to grab something off the rack to try on, ANYTHING. The women at the counter seemed preoccupied, and ignoring me for a while. I was ready to turn away, I didn't want to stand any longer. But, then she started to talk to me...Just 1..."Yes" barely came out...Then she started going on about the outfit I had, and how it was a good deal or something...Urrrgh...I didn't want to talk...I headed in right away, and cupped myself, before I had even locked the door. I stood not knowing what to do with myself at that point, becoming too scared to see this through, because I was definately getting in danger of starting to Pee. Which is WHAT I WANTED TO DO AFTER ALL...before I left the store, have that initial warning uncontrolled gush of pee happen...I wore one of those "light material" mini skirt's, with just white cotton pantie's under them. So that if I did start wetting myself, more than that by accident, I could at least spread my leg's and get behind something. (Another kind of fantasy i've had)...Although with the camera's, I didn't want that to happen either.
While I tried to feel under my skirt, at the pantie's. I could only feel a warm moistness, "not pee", just that moist lip's that start when you r-e-a-l-l-y need to go bad. I don't think it's pee anyway. Just that tickling of the material against my lip's made me feel a strong urge to Pee increase. I cupped myself again. Then, I pretended to try on the outfit quickly and stepped out. The attendant again came over, I was feeling like saying: "Get lost". She asked how the outfit fit? I could barely speak, I murmered something shakily..."It didn't look right on me or something..." Then she was attempting to show me somthing else...And I said, "No, I got to go now anyway...", That was an understatement! She then asked me if anything was wrong?...I knew I looked intensely serious, and red faced at this point..."No, I just don't feel well..."..."Oh"...And I walked away...The Women looked very puzzled. I started worrying as I walked away that maybe she thought I stold something. I started getting these paniced thought's in my head about Peeing my pant's, if Security stopped me. I had picked everything up, and the fear overtaking me again, I made a quick line to the far side of the store, toward's the bathroom's. Part of me saying, your going to go start Peeing your pant's before you get to the car...The other part saying, you can hold longer, just follow through with the plan. Once, at the bathroom, there were a couple of Mother's busy, and kind of blocking my entry to the Bathroom directly with cart's and Toddler's. I could not bring my cart in with me either, and it took me a bit to find a spot I could park it. Then I opened the door, and another group was coming out, and I had to wait for them. Then inside was worse. Mom's and Toddler's filled the Washroom, the sinks, and the stall's, and a Couple of Teen Girl's, and other Mother's and Kid's were standing
waiting. I decided immediately not to wait. If I waited there was no turning back. I was getting too close to change My mind again, it was go through with it now, or go to the bathroom. In addition to that, it was just so busy in there, it would be a long time trying to stand still, (especially when people know I need to Pee), without looking really obvious. I knew my face was completely flushed red.
So I decided to go through the check-out. I figured even though I will probably start to Pee, if I stand still the entire time waiting...5 or 10 minutes...At least I can bounce and move around the cart alot to keep myself from going. Nobody will be looking for me to be trying not to wet myself. They won't be occupied with noticing me.
The line-up's were very long. I got into line, and was alright for a while, I had never figured out what to do with the time waiting (before I got to the check-out to put my stuff down)...That made it hard to find thing's to move around for without being very obvious...And, when I was still a cart load away, I was starting to feel a couple very bad warning spasm's. It caused me to suddenly cross my leg's, and then I recovered,and uncrossed them...So I would pressed them together, and pulled a leg up, moved...Just kept moving from one to the next to prevent wetting. I managed to hold it. But, now I was 10 time's more in a panic than before, I wanted to drop everything and run to the Bathroom. But, then realized that the it was time for me to put my stuff down, and attention was on me again. I wondered if I would be able to hold it long enough in the bathroom line anyway. (For one thing it is on the extreme other side of the store)...Plus, I couldn't just get out of line, I thought...Once I started to put my stuff on the converyor, I started to get those intensive pushing urge's from my back, and fought them off. But, I knew I was starting to be in serious trouble now...AND THE TROUBLE AFTER ALL I WANTED TO GET INTO...But, would have done anything in that moment to back out of...
I kept putting the item's down...I was getting fluttering pulse's, and the urge to push at the same time...I even made a couple of uncontrolable moan's trying to fight it.
Then the women, said the amount, I shook frantically in my wallet, for the bill's, and gave them to her...I had planned ahead to dig for change, and for a split second started to do it, but got too scared...I was too near wetting...She said, "No, you don't have the change, I guess...""No"...My hand was damp, and my whole body was obviously shaking, I could see the bill's moving back and forth like crazy, and obviously...That moment before she took them, seemed like hour's...Standing still...Trying to steady them...
Then, she took the bill's, got the change, and was waiting for the Receipt to print out...I was thinking I can't hold it...I can't hold it...I was now standing as long as I could stand too, and the standing caused me to have another strong spasm, it made me bend sharply at the hip's, and press my thigh's together, and I peed a tiny spurt, *BUT WAS SOO THANKFUL I GOT IT STOPPED*...It was luckily not really noticed I don't think, because I had the cart in front of me, and was holding on to that, so the cart kind of helped...
I quickly put the rest of my stuff in the cart knowing I was in serious trouble now. I felt cool dampness in my underwear as I walked hunched over the cart. It was tickling me, and felt good in one way, (I knew it had only been a drop I had Peed), but I was scared to death at this point. The strong pressure was more intensive than ever, I was feeling almost continual fluttering, in My Spincter Muscle...Holding on, letting go, holding on letting go...But, I was managing to hold my pee still, past the point the pulse's were threatening to release...It was constant switching between holding on tight, and holding on by a tread. And the whole sensation was giving me more and more intensive urge's to Pee. I had to go so bad now too, that it made the earlier desparation seem like nothing compared to this. I liked the feeling of the fluttering muscle's, as I had wanted to feel, it's what happened when I had wet myself for real by accident year's ago. Which at those time's was not fun, but thinking about it later....(Oh man)....
But, last week when I was feeling this, in PUBLIC, again, I wished I hadn't done this....It was no less scary than my real accident's...Man if my heart could have jumped out of my chest it would have. If a dog were to bark and scare me, or someone bump into me, I think I would have just Peed.
I tried to walk normally out of the store, over the cart, and the strong pressure started making me NEED to push...And I was making moaning noise's again. This is where I get myself too when I do it at home, the point where I lose control and start to wet. I hoped this wouldn't happen until I was in the car. I couldn't wait for the bathroom now, and stand straight.
Spasm's and the physical pressure to push, was over-running me, as I pushed the cart out between the double door's...As I continued to walk and push the cart, the urge caused me to Pee another little gush of Pee, I had zero control over, the release at the end of a spasm, was too long, and I had nothing to hold it with. I stopped moving and cupped myself out of instinct., this enabled me to stop it at that gush alone, but the strong pushing feeling front my back forward, hadn't let up, and I still felt the risidual's of that Heavy Spasm. As soon as I realized I had held myself, I stopped, and made a different motion, so nobody noticed I think.
I was going to successfully wet myself, in this planned accident, that was not a question anymore. I couldn't hold it much longer, could probably not hold it long enough in the bathroom line anymore, I might even Pee before I got that far, (trying to navigate through all the people and cart's)...Yet, I was still panic stricken enough at that point, that I pushed my cart outside, to one side, and started walking back in toward's the bathroom. I walked about a quarter of the way and could feel heavy threatening spasm's, as I continued to walk. Enough so that I stopped and gripped a shelving unit, and wrenched my leg's together. I walked a bit more, toward it, enough so that I caught a good glimse of the bathroom area, with people with cart's waiting outside it, it looked very busy still, probably busier, and I was really going to wet myself if I had to navitgate around alot of those people and cart's, and then bumping into people, while trying to just get into the bathroom..., and of course, to stand for five minute's or more waiting. So, I realized that if I deciding on going further, it would have to be a done deal, because if I got in there, then discovered I couldn't hold it in line long enough, I wouldn't be able to change my mind, and make it back here again, and to the car. I had nearly wet already, just walking almost there...
So, I quickly went back for the cart, and started pushing it toward's the car. I had to wait to cross the street, because of car's, and I got a strong urge to push, and a spasm, I tried to hold it, and crossed my leg's, but I Peed a small stream before being able to stop it. Now as I uncrossed my leg's, and tried to cross the street, I felt alot more cold wetness in my underwear...I looked to see if any drop's had hit the pavement, but it was dry. My leg's didn't feel wet at all, it was just a "good gush", out the front this time. The first real losing control of my full pee, seriously threatening.
The people around was incredible. I really didn't want to wet myself here. I actually started talking in loud whisper's that I Peed, and I am going to Pee...That's how bad it was. I didn't get far before I felt more strong urge's of pushing, and that mixed with the Strong Spasm's at the same time, and the release's were too long now...It was now like pulsing, "HOLDING, HOLDING"..."R-E-A-L-E-A-S-E", and in between that very fast and increasing strong fluttering...All I wanted to do was PEE....!!!! I fought as I walked through the flutters, and was fighting with my brain NOT TO CO-OPERATE with the uncontrolable pushing I was getting...So the pushes kept coming, and were getting too strong to fight off, but my desire NOT TO PEE, was so just strong, I would fight with my brain, and NOT PUSH...Even with ALL the physical pressure Spasm's, forcing down...Trying to make me...But, this was all happening with the flutters, and the releasing pulse spasm's at the same time. I only was a few feet from the place I crossed the street and was getting overwhelmed. But the amount of people around me I had to hold it. All of the urge's happened, and when the pulse, again released, and I couldn't get the muscle to hold again on time, and a huge pressure to p-u-s-h, overwhelmed at the same time, I grabbed myself openly with my hand, and made a loud ooooh...I had to stop. It made me crouch a bit, and I wrenched my leg's together, as I uncontrolably pushed out a heavy gush that lasted a good second. I know a little boy seen me holding myself, he was turning around looking at me. But, then thank goodness ignored me after that.
I felt my thigh's wet, when I tried to walk again. And where I had kind of crouched, I seen a drop on the pavement this time.
Although, I reminded myself that I need to stop crossing my leg's if I start wetting, because it's going to start spirling down my leg's (as I know it doe's at home, when I do that). It's going to get my Skirt obviously wet too. I made sure I wore one that would be obvious if it got wet so that would add to the excitement. So I couldn't let that happen. I had made a small damp spot on it, where I had pressed my hand in when I Peed.
Again, the sign's of the urge's immediately were returning, light spasm's, threatening to increase. I was maxed out, as much as I could hold it, and it was ever weakening. I had become hysterical, and did not know what to do. I knew I couldn't hold it much longer. Thought's were on holding my pee, and that I nobody know's yet...JUST HOLD IT!....But, at the same time, I was whispering out loud, "I am going to wet..." and thing's like that....As the fluttering was becoming intensive again, and all I wanted to do was grab myself, but knew I couldn't there were alot of people walking toward me and everything. Not knowing what to do, I tried to run a bit, with the cart, to get closer to behind my car, or even behind any car and just hide...But, my car was out of the question...And there were people standing near it! So I frantically scouted a vehicle to get behind, I tried to get there, and then seen someone getting out it...I loudly said, "Fuck!"...I couldn't believe my luck...Then this caused some people to briefly look in my direction, GREAT! --- I tried to get to find another car, but there was just too many people around, and I couldn't hold it for more than a second or two more...The urge's intensified, so strong, I just started to go Pee again, while I tried to walk. And, even with all the Spasm's and urge's to push overtaking me, no matter how hard I tried to stop and hold it at first, I immediately kept forcing myself to try to keep walk anyway, thinking maybe I won't Pee if I keep moving, and try to hold it...But, then when I couldn't stop Peeing, unless I tried to stop and regain control, instinct took over me, when I realized I was Peeing, and not stopping. I stopped walking, grabbed myself, and wound up very quickly crouched right down on top of my heel's. I kept going Pee without being able to control it. Peeing a stream right through my skirt of course(what a dummy)...One even stronger pressure to push, overwhelmed the one before it. And everything was just basically letting go. I was horrified that I couldn't make my muscle's hold it anymore at all. Although I felt some fluttering, it was basically ALL REALEASE...So my Spincter had let go. I Peed right through my hand, because the pressure made me push hard. And the hand wasn't enough anyway. I heard the stream hitting the ground, and I definately made a puddle.
Some people seen me. But, I avoided looking at them totally. I just parked my stuff near the front of my car, and just stood there until everyone stopped paying attention. I had peed myself completely, in the parking lot, and was horrified. Eventually I raced to the trunk got the towel's and loaded everything.
I am too afraid to EVER do that again, although, in retrospect, IT WAS GOOD!
I was so shaken up after you wouldn't believe it...
Canada images/smiles/icon_smile.gif
Well, I don't know now if I will ever get the courage to try and do another "Pee Holding" in Public again...To this level anyway images/smiles/icon_sad.gif
I had alway's usually held in My house, before until I started to lose control. After drinking alot of water, or juice. Yet, over about the past two year's, I have been thinking more about satisfying My urge's, and fantasizing about being more daring. I know it's even better if I am turned on by needing to Pee while in Public. So I started recently holding when I am shopping and needing to Pee. But, I have been too chicken to bring myself, too close to the loss of control point. Although, I had brought myself as far as having a heavy spasm in the Supermarket a few month's ago, obviously needing to Pee r-e-a-l-l-y bad. Although, the thrill felt sooo good, it scared me alot. It was the type that suddenly hit, in full forse, and I had to jerk my hip's back, and crouch, and press my leg's together, franticallly, to prevent from Peeing. I had only a couple of can's in My basket, but I put them back and left to find a bathroom. I lost my nerve.
It had felt like all my holding muscle's had just gave out, and my spincter started strong trembling fluttering, quick off an on pulse's, from releasing to holding. Oh, that sensation, is to die for, but it absolutely made me panic because of where it happened. And, oh man, it seemed like every MAN was around that ISLE, at the time...What were they doing there?...They probably didn't really know what had happened but it was freaky. I actually had difficultly leaving the isle, because of cart's suddenly blocking it, and I had to stand to get their attention. I was scared of another spasm. Yet the isle had been empty when I started in it...It definately seem's that you'll wet faster if your in Public, because of additional Adrenaline, and Fear. So it's extra excitement, but extra scary too.
Prior to trying this stuff, my first "gutsy" in Public Holding, before I started holding while shopping...was I drank the water, and brought myself, to where I started to wet if I tried to stand still for more than 10 or so second's. I would feel INTENSE pressure if I sat, and this make's sweat pour from my face, and I moan, and rock out of control. Yet, I still find that what I WANT to happen, is to completely Pee myself with out being able to stop...(like it happened when I "accidently" had wet in my pant's). Yet, it seems I would just get to this point, of "spurting" if I stop and stand still. Or spread my leg's, and bend. Or, (oddly enough, stretching my arm's over my head, make's me Pee in that state too). It does eventually build enough pressure, that it's so bad, I start "uncontrolably pushing" out Pee, even when holding myself. The pressure come's strong from the bottom of my back, and in sudden urge's, while I have fluttering and spasm's in My Spincter Muscle's. It force's a strong 'PUSH', the urge to push is incredible, yet I can bring my mind to fight this urge and hold the Pee anyway. Yet the pressure and push, I cannot stop from happening, at that point. My entire pelvic area goe's intensely tight, and the pressure increases....Ahhh it's incredible...But, what generally happen's by this point, is that I start to hold myself, and cross my leg's, while I lose the battle with the pressure spasm's...And long stream's of Pee are forced out. I also find that when you need to Pee so bad it's uncomfortable, and I feel dampness and slipperyness...This make's my urge to Pee harder to resist/hold also.
Yet, all through this, if I keep moving around and walking, it's almost like I can go forever holding. I just kept giving in to the urge's and sensatition's, I guess, and would alway's start playing, these game's to make myself lose control...Like hold my breath with my leg's spread, arm's stretched high over my head, for 50 second's, then add some time...Or whatever...But, I really wanted much more fear in it, and I wanted to really let it go to the point of NO RETURN...Not let any go, if I could hold it.
And I wanted some experience's outside, and in Public (but controlled, of course)... Well, prior to what just happened to me last week, the closet I got to this, was that I held in the house, brought myself as I said to where I was in danger of Wetting. I could not stand still without the Pee threatening to start, for more than 10 Second's. This was without any arm's above the head or anything. I was having back spasm's, and couldn't sit without intense unbearable pressure and moaning. I was at the point, I start to hold myself. But, I hadn't allowed myself to actually Pee. I put my trench coat on, and had to keep moving so as not to start wetting.
I had planned to go for a little walk until I started to go Pee, and get the mail, and thing's. But, when I left the house, I had a hard time locking the door, because I was shaking so bad. There were a tonne of Teenaged Boy's all standing a couple of door's away, and paying attention. I felt fear, because I was sure they could see something was wrong with me. I decided I had to go back in the house, this wasn't what I planned. Peeing myself with only the "fear" of the possibility of having someone around was what I had wanted. There should have been nobody around that time of day, but it wasn't to be.
But, they continued to stare. So I decided I would go into the gararge first, to at least look like I went outside for some purpose. As I tried to unlock the Garage door, I really started wetting, and then had still to pull it open. Although, I had already long been having spasm's, by that point, and even that uncontrolled pushing was starting. I anticipated a bit more time before I would start peeing. But, I couldn't control the spasm created just from that stopping, and because I couldn't hold myself, I couldn't completely stop the stream. However, I did eventually get it stopped, but only after I got into the garage. I felt wet. As soon as I got inside, where it was darker, I had crouched and held myself with a vengence. I then turned to wrench the door closed, and that started me Peeing again. I then ran to the back of the garage, and bent and held myself fiersely. I overcame, alot of sudden spasm's overtaking me, and the urge to Pee had become incredibly intense. The pushing feeling grew wildly intensive. I had only light warm dampness I could feel. I tried to look, and as much as I thought I had Peed already, you could not really see anything.
Once I had regained enough control. Knowing, I was not long from wetting myself, I lost my nerve of wanting to do it right there, because they might see what I had done.
So I came out and tried to act slow and normal, I locked the door. And slowly walked to the house. Not realizing at first that I had locked the door to the house too. I had to unlock that. I started peeing (and I could hear it), as I unlocked the house door, I tried to stop once in the house, but only slowed the stream, and then gave into the intensive urge's to push. I completely peed in the foyer. It was nice.
Now, to FINALLY get to what just happened to me. Now that garage incident was in the winter. So I finally again, get the nerve to try and do somthing even more daring. I planned this out for several day's. I really wanted to let myself get to the nearly wetting point, while shopping. I didn't want to give up for fear, but really take myself to the danger zone for once. I alway's chicken out, but at the point, where I probably still have 45 or an hour, before I would start to actually Pee. AND, I wanted to finally lose ALL CONTROL, (not spurt's). So I planned to Pee myself in my car, so nobody could see.
What I planned to do was go shopping, until I started to actually have the first "spurt's" of Pee come out. No matter how scared I got. I planned to "Hold" it, and then get into my car and "hold it" for the long drive home. I brought some towel's with me and put them in the trunk. I wanted to make it even more challenging to have to get into the trunk.
So I went to Wal-Mart. It's a little less than an hour from Our house. I knew they have a huge parking lot, so I could park at the very furthest away, and far away from where the cart return would be. I wanted to forse myself to do all of that, "casually".
So I drank alot before I left my house, so that I needed to go really bad in Wal-Mart. I also took a 'Durex', which is basically a 'Water Pill' (earlier that day). (First time I tried that, but learned from the board's a while back that some found it helped for when you really start to go Pee, to "totally Wet yourself". Instead of just in spurt's).
So I got the nerve up to do this, finally last week. When I arrived, I really had to go bad, and while I shopped in Wal-Mart I was very distracted. It was a weird sensation too, which made it more scary. I had made myself hold for a long time, from earlier to weaken muscle's, then only increasing to alot of water before I left. It was the type where you feel more numbness, and the sensation of needing to Pee, but it's more right there, but with not alot of sense of "how bad"...Yet your really scared to take your attention off of holding. (I don't know if that make's any sense). My back-up plan was that if I would start to lose control, I would get into a change room, or try to make it into the bathroom.
After a while, the need to Pee stronger, and in a way this was easier, as I could feel my level of control over it now. Because I could feel the amount I needed to Pee, and not that weird feeling like I could, "already be Peeing"...
It grew and I started to feel panic. I had began to feel some light spasm's...quick fluttering...but, still with enough control not to Pee. I continued to shop. After while I could feel I was very desparate, and my level of panic was growing intense. I was starting to have some intensive spasm's, that I now had to get under control. I knew I was getting too scared to continue much longer. I was starting to really panic as I looked at the line-up's at the Till's. I forced myself to continue to shop for 'Every single item', I was going to make myself pick-up, know matter how bad I got. And look the item's over naturally. But, was slowly chickening out of it. I had to go all the way over to the Women's Cloting area now, on the other side of the store. For a pack of sock's.
I knew I was starting to get in trouble, because I was getting fluttering pulse's even while walking, and it was lasting longer. When I was nearest the change room's I contemplated that for a second (mainly to go inside and be able to spread my leg's, for a second, and stand still, to test how close I was getting to losing it. I was afraid to stand still where I was, to test it out, in case I started Peeing and couldn't stop. It would also have given me the ability to hold myself for a second too. I was getting the strong urge to hold with my hand by now.) I was having great difficult focusing on anything for long, could barely talk, or walk straight, and was starting to feel sweaty, and shaky, and terrified. My heart was pounding. I am not even sure it was fun, I was sooo scared. I never brought myself to that level before, somewhere that I could actually get caught. I swear the fear of getting caught make's it harder to hold.
Anyway, I went to grab something off the rack to try on, ANYTHING. The women at the counter seemed preoccupied, and ignoring me for a while. I was ready to turn away, I didn't want to stand any longer. But, then she started to talk to me...Just 1..."Yes" barely came out...Then she started going on about the outfit I had, and how it was a good deal or something...Urrrgh...I didn't want to talk...I headed in right away, and cupped myself, before I had even locked the door. I stood not knowing what to do with myself at that point, becoming too scared to see this through, because I was definately getting in danger of starting to Pee. Which is WHAT I WANTED TO DO AFTER ALL...before I left the store, have that initial warning uncontrolled gush of pee happen...I wore one of those "light material" mini skirt's, with just white cotton pantie's under them. So that if I did start wetting myself, more than that by accident, I could at least spread my leg's and get behind something. (Another kind of fantasy i've had)...Although with the camera's, I didn't want that to happen either.
While I tried to feel under my skirt, at the pantie's. I could only feel a warm moistness, "not pee", just that moist lip's that start when you r-e-a-l-l-y need to go bad. I don't think it's pee anyway. Just that tickling of the material against my lip's made me feel a strong urge to Pee increase. I cupped myself again. Then, I pretended to try on the outfit quickly and stepped out. The attendant again came over, I was feeling like saying: "Get lost". She asked how the outfit fit? I could barely speak, I murmered something shakily..."It didn't look right on me or something..." Then she was attempting to show me somthing else...And I said, "No, I got to go now anyway...", That was an understatement! She then asked me if anything was wrong?...I knew I looked intensely serious, and red faced at this point..."No, I just don't feel well..."..."Oh"...And I walked away...The Women looked very puzzled. I started worrying as I walked away that maybe she thought I stold something. I started getting these paniced thought's in my head about Peeing my pant's, if Security stopped me. I had picked everything up, and the fear overtaking me again, I made a quick line to the far side of the store, toward's the bathroom's. Part of me saying, your going to go start Peeing your pant's before you get to the car...The other part saying, you can hold longer, just follow through with the plan. Once, at the bathroom, there were a couple of Mother's busy, and kind of blocking my entry to the Bathroom directly with cart's and Toddler's. I could not bring my cart in with me either, and it took me a bit to find a spot I could park it. Then I opened the door, and another group was coming out, and I had to wait for them. Then inside was worse. Mom's and Toddler's filled the Washroom, the sinks, and the stall's, and a Couple of Teen Girl's, and other Mother's and Kid's were standing
waiting. I decided immediately not to wait. If I waited there was no turning back. I was getting too close to change My mind again, it was go through with it now, or go to the bathroom. In addition to that, it was just so busy in there, it would be a long time trying to stand still, (especially when people know I need to Pee), without looking really obvious. I knew my face was completely flushed red.
So I decided to go through the check-out. I figured even though I will probably start to Pee, if I stand still the entire time waiting...5 or 10 minutes...At least I can bounce and move around the cart alot to keep myself from going. Nobody will be looking for me to be trying not to wet myself. They won't be occupied with noticing me.
The line-up's were very long. I got into line, and was alright for a while, I had never figured out what to do with the time waiting (before I got to the check-out to put my stuff down)...That made it hard to find thing's to move around for without being very obvious...And, when I was still a cart load away, I was starting to feel a couple very bad warning spasm's. It caused me to suddenly cross my leg's, and then I recovered,and uncrossed them...So I would pressed them together, and pulled a leg up, moved...Just kept moving from one to the next to prevent wetting. I managed to hold it. But, now I was 10 time's more in a panic than before, I wanted to drop everything and run to the Bathroom. But, then realized that the it was time for me to put my stuff down, and attention was on me again. I wondered if I would be able to hold it long enough in the bathroom line anyway. (For one thing it is on the extreme other side of the store)...Plus, I couldn't just get out of line, I thought...Once I started to put my stuff on the converyor, I started to get those intensive pushing urge's from my back, and fought them off. But, I knew I was starting to be in serious trouble now...AND THE TROUBLE AFTER ALL I WANTED TO GET INTO...But, would have done anything in that moment to back out of...
I kept putting the item's down...I was getting fluttering pulse's, and the urge to push at the same time...I even made a couple of uncontrolable moan's trying to fight it.
Then the women, said the amount, I shook frantically in my wallet, for the bill's, and gave them to her...I had planned ahead to dig for change, and for a split second started to do it, but got too scared...I was too near wetting...She said, "No, you don't have the change, I guess...""No"...My hand was damp, and my whole body was obviously shaking, I could see the bill's moving back and forth like crazy, and obviously...That moment before she took them, seemed like hour's...Standing still...Trying to steady them...
Then, she took the bill's, got the change, and was waiting for the Receipt to print out...I was thinking I can't hold it...I can't hold it...I was now standing as long as I could stand too, and the standing caused me to have another strong spasm, it made me bend sharply at the hip's, and press my thigh's together, and I peed a tiny spurt, *BUT WAS SOO THANKFUL I GOT IT STOPPED*...It was luckily not really noticed I don't think, because I had the cart in front of me, and was holding on to that, so the cart kind of helped...
I quickly put the rest of my stuff in the cart knowing I was in serious trouble now. I felt cool dampness in my underwear as I walked hunched over the cart. It was tickling me, and felt good in one way, (I knew it had only been a drop I had Peed), but I was scared to death at this point. The strong pressure was more intensive than ever, I was feeling almost continual fluttering, in My Spincter Muscle...Holding on, letting go, holding on letting go...But, I was managing to hold my pee still, past the point the pulse's were threatening to release...It was constant switching between holding on tight, and holding on by a tread. And the whole sensation was giving me more and more intensive urge's to Pee. I had to go so bad now too, that it made the earlier desparation seem like nothing compared to this. I liked the feeling of the fluttering muscle's, as I had wanted to feel, it's what happened when I had wet myself for real by accident year's ago. Which at those time's was not fun, but thinking about it later....(Oh man)....
But, last week when I was feeling this, in PUBLIC, again, I wished I hadn't done this....It was no less scary than my real accident's...Man if my heart could have jumped out of my chest it would have. If a dog were to bark and scare me, or someone bump into me, I think I would have just Peed.
I tried to walk normally out of the store, over the cart, and the strong pressure started making me NEED to push...And I was making moaning noise's again. This is where I get myself too when I do it at home, the point where I lose control and start to wet. I hoped this wouldn't happen until I was in the car. I couldn't wait for the bathroom now, and stand straight.
Spasm's and the physical pressure to push, was over-running me, as I pushed the cart out between the double door's...As I continued to walk and push the cart, the urge caused me to Pee another little gush of Pee, I had zero control over, the release at the end of a spasm, was too long, and I had nothing to hold it with. I stopped moving and cupped myself out of instinct., this enabled me to stop it at that gush alone, but the strong pushing feeling front my back forward, hadn't let up, and I still felt the risidual's of that Heavy Spasm. As soon as I realized I had held myself, I stopped, and made a different motion, so nobody noticed I think.
I was going to successfully wet myself, in this planned accident, that was not a question anymore. I couldn't hold it much longer, could probably not hold it long enough in the bathroom line anymore, I might even Pee before I got that far, (trying to navigate through all the people and cart's)...Yet, I was still panic stricken enough at that point, that I pushed my cart outside, to one side, and started walking back in toward's the bathroom. I walked about a quarter of the way and could feel heavy threatening spasm's, as I continued to walk. Enough so that I stopped and gripped a shelving unit, and wrenched my leg's together. I walked a bit more, toward it, enough so that I caught a good glimse of the bathroom area, with people with cart's waiting outside it, it looked very busy still, probably busier, and I was really going to wet myself if I had to navitgate around alot of those people and cart's, and then bumping into people, while trying to just get into the bathroom..., and of course, to stand for five minute's or more waiting. So, I realized that if I deciding on going further, it would have to be a done deal, because if I got in there, then discovered I couldn't hold it in line long enough, I wouldn't be able to change my mind, and make it back here again, and to the car. I had nearly wet already, just walking almost there...
So, I quickly went back for the cart, and started pushing it toward's the car. I had to wait to cross the street, because of car's, and I got a strong urge to push, and a spasm, I tried to hold it, and crossed my leg's, but I Peed a small stream before being able to stop it. Now as I uncrossed my leg's, and tried to cross the street, I felt alot more cold wetness in my underwear...I looked to see if any drop's had hit the pavement, but it was dry. My leg's didn't feel wet at all, it was just a "good gush", out the front this time. The first real losing control of my full pee, seriously threatening.
The people around was incredible. I really didn't want to wet myself here. I actually started talking in loud whisper's that I Peed, and I am going to Pee...That's how bad it was. I didn't get far before I felt more strong urge's of pushing, and that mixed with the Strong Spasm's at the same time, and the release's were too long now...It was now like pulsing, "HOLDING, HOLDING"..."R-E-A-L-E-A-S-E", and in between that very fast and increasing strong fluttering...All I wanted to do was PEE....!!!! I fought as I walked through the flutters, and was fighting with my brain NOT TO CO-OPERATE with the uncontrolable pushing I was getting...So the pushes kept coming, and were getting too strong to fight off, but my desire NOT TO PEE, was so just strong, I would fight with my brain, and NOT PUSH...Even with ALL the physical pressure Spasm's, forcing down...Trying to make me...But, this was all happening with the flutters, and the releasing pulse spasm's at the same time. I only was a few feet from the place I crossed the street and was getting overwhelmed. But the amount of people around me I had to hold it. All of the urge's happened, and when the pulse, again released, and I couldn't get the muscle to hold again on time, and a huge pressure to p-u-s-h, overwhelmed at the same time, I grabbed myself openly with my hand, and made a loud ooooh...I had to stop. It made me crouch a bit, and I wrenched my leg's together, as I uncontrolably pushed out a heavy gush that lasted a good second. I know a little boy seen me holding myself, he was turning around looking at me. But, then thank goodness ignored me after that.
I felt my thigh's wet, when I tried to walk again. And where I had kind of crouched, I seen a drop on the pavement this time.
Although, I reminded myself that I need to stop crossing my leg's if I start wetting, because it's going to start spirling down my leg's (as I know it doe's at home, when I do that). It's going to get my Skirt obviously wet too. I made sure I wore one that would be obvious if it got wet so that would add to the excitement. So I couldn't let that happen. I had made a small damp spot on it, where I had pressed my hand in when I Peed.
Again, the sign's of the urge's immediately were returning, light spasm's, threatening to increase. I was maxed out, as much as I could hold it, and it was ever weakening. I had become hysterical, and did not know what to do. I knew I couldn't hold it much longer. Thought's were on holding my pee, and that I nobody know's yet...JUST HOLD IT!....But, at the same time, I was whispering out loud, "I am going to wet..." and thing's like that....As the fluttering was becoming intensive again, and all I wanted to do was grab myself, but knew I couldn't there were alot of people walking toward me and everything. Not knowing what to do, I tried to run a bit, with the cart, to get closer to behind my car, or even behind any car and just hide...But, my car was out of the question...And there were people standing near it! So I frantically scouted a vehicle to get behind, I tried to get there, and then seen someone getting out it...I loudly said, "Fuck!"...I couldn't believe my luck...Then this caused some people to briefly look in my direction, GREAT! --- I tried to get to find another car, but there was just too many people around, and I couldn't hold it for more than a second or two more...The urge's intensified, so strong, I just started to go Pee again, while I tried to walk. And, even with all the Spasm's and urge's to push overtaking me, no matter how hard I tried to stop and hold it at first, I immediately kept forcing myself to try to keep walk anyway, thinking maybe I won't Pee if I keep moving, and try to hold it...But, then when I couldn't stop Peeing, unless I tried to stop and regain control, instinct took over me, when I realized I was Peeing, and not stopping. I stopped walking, grabbed myself, and wound up very quickly crouched right down on top of my heel's. I kept going Pee without being able to control it. Peeing a stream right through my skirt of course(what a dummy)...One even stronger pressure to push, overwhelmed the one before it. And everything was just basically letting go. I was horrified that I couldn't make my muscle's hold it anymore at all. Although I felt some fluttering, it was basically ALL REALEASE...So my Spincter had let go. I Peed right through my hand, because the pressure made me push hard. And the hand wasn't enough anyway. I heard the stream hitting the ground, and I definately made a puddle.
Some people seen me. But, I avoided looking at them totally. I just parked my stuff near the front of my car, and just stood there until everyone stopped paying attention. I had peed myself completely, in the parking lot, and was horrified. Eventually I raced to the trunk got the towel's and loaded everything.
I am too afraid to EVER do that again, although, in retrospect, IT WAS GOOD!
I was so shaken up after you wouldn't believe it...
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