Matt
Wed, 24 Oct 01, 2:20 PM
I'm not sure who was talking about male desperation on the "old" board - was it Suzie? I'm not sure, but seeing as I promised a story, here it is!!! >>>>
A few days ago, I was doing a concert. Normally, I won't drink anything for 2 hours before the start. Anybody I know will confirm the fact that when I drink 1 pint of beer, two pints will come out!!! On this occasion, my throat was as dry as a parrot's arse, so I was persuaded to drink a pint of beer (didn't take too much persuasion, mind!). All was well, the audience hushed, the curtain lifted and I strolled on stage, lit by one of those big spot lights.
For those of you who have never been on a stage before, take it from me that when you stand in front of one of those light beams, you can feel the heat as if you are stood next to a fire!!!
I sat down, suddenly realising that the pint of beer I had drunk earlier was going to make itself known to me in about 15mins.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote
Not to worry
I thought, in the knowledge that the first half of the show was only 75mins. BIG mistake!!!
We got through the first few pieces, but after about 20mins I was absolutely bursting. We got to Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody (no2), which is a very convenient piece to play when you are desperate, as you can bounce on the piano stool without anybody noticing (it's quite a lively piece!)!!!
That gave me that little bit more time to play around with. By the end of the first half, I was having difficulty in playing the piano and holding my dick at the same time! Thank God the curtain dropped and the lights went out!
When I say "thank God the lights went out", it was only a short lived relief - as I walked off the stage, I stumbled in the dark, and completely soaked myself all the way back to my dressing room! Not what I had in mind at all!
During the half hour interval, I took my pants off, and held them under the hand dryer until they had dried enough to be worn on stage again. Again, I made my entrance, but soon realised that I should have gone to the loo again whilst I had the opportunity!
Now, those spot lamps which I mentioned earlier were causing me to get too hot. Cue the glass of water on the piano! Throat dry, sweating buckets, boiling hot - it was too tempting to overlook! Down the hatch, it went...
I made it (I don't know how) to the end of the second half, luckily finishing with the Warsaw Concerto - another bouncy piece - which made things slightly easier again. I stood up, took my bow, gestured the conductor, who took his bow. The orchestra stood up, the audience applauded, and all I wanted to do was get off the stage!!!
After what seemed like forever, the audience shut up, the lights burnt out, and the bloke who was holding the curtain up fell asleep!!!
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote
Great!!!
I thought! I got up, and made to walk off the stage. I was now past the point of caring, and decided that I couldn't even be arsed waiting to get back to my dressing room, I just pissed my way off stage!
Again, lady luck was not with me! I heard the audience start applauding again, and realised that I'd forgotten the Encore! The curtain was raising again, and I was supposed to walk back on stage, but ARGGGHHHHH!!!, my trousers were soaked!
Thank God for black!!! I came back on stage, sideways, and sat down for the encore. All finished, I went back to the dressing room.
At long last, I could pee in a toilet - not that I had anything left to pee!!! I got changed and went home, contemplating the whole evening. When I got home, I changed back into my wet trousers and, well,........ I'll leave the rest to your imagination!!!!!!
Regards,
Matt images/smiles/icon_wink.gif
A few days ago, I was doing a concert. Normally, I won't drink anything for 2 hours before the start. Anybody I know will confirm the fact that when I drink 1 pint of beer, two pints will come out!!! On this occasion, my throat was as dry as a parrot's arse, so I was persuaded to drink a pint of beer (didn't take too much persuasion, mind!). All was well, the audience hushed, the curtain lifted and I strolled on stage, lit by one of those big spot lights.
For those of you who have never been on a stage before, take it from me that when you stand in front of one of those light beams, you can feel the heat as if you are stood next to a fire!!!
I sat down, suddenly realising that the pint of beer I had drunk earlier was going to make itself known to me in about 15mins.
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote
Not to worry
I thought, in the knowledge that the first half of the show was only 75mins. BIG mistake!!!
We got through the first few pieces, but after about 20mins I was absolutely bursting. We got to Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody (no2), which is a very convenient piece to play when you are desperate, as you can bounce on the piano stool without anybody noticing (it's quite a lively piece!)!!!
That gave me that little bit more time to play around with. By the end of the first half, I was having difficulty in playing the piano and holding my dick at the same time! Thank God the curtain dropped and the lights went out!
When I say "thank God the lights went out", it was only a short lived relief - as I walked off the stage, I stumbled in the dark, and completely soaked myself all the way back to my dressing room! Not what I had in mind at all!
During the half hour interval, I took my pants off, and held them under the hand dryer until they had dried enough to be worn on stage again. Again, I made my entrance, but soon realised that I should have gone to the loo again whilst I had the opportunity!
Now, those spot lamps which I mentioned earlier were causing me to get too hot. Cue the glass of water on the piano! Throat dry, sweating buckets, boiling hot - it was too tempting to overlook! Down the hatch, it went...
I made it (I don't know how) to the end of the second half, luckily finishing with the Warsaw Concerto - another bouncy piece - which made things slightly easier again. I stood up, took my bow, gestured the conductor, who took his bow. The orchestra stood up, the audience applauded, and all I wanted to do was get off the stage!!!
After what seemed like forever, the audience shut up, the lights burnt out, and the bloke who was holding the curtain up fell asleep!!!
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote
Great!!!
I thought! I got up, and made to walk off the stage. I was now past the point of caring, and decided that I couldn't even be arsed waiting to get back to my dressing room, I just pissed my way off stage!
Again, lady luck was not with me! I heard the audience start applauding again, and realised that I'd forgotten the Encore! The curtain was raising again, and I was supposed to walk back on stage, but ARGGGHHHHH!!!, my trousers were soaked!
Thank God for black!!! I came back on stage, sideways, and sat down for the encore. All finished, I went back to the dressing room.
At long last, I could pee in a toilet - not that I had anything left to pee!!! I got changed and went home, contemplating the whole evening. When I got home, I changed back into my wet trousers and, well,........ I'll leave the rest to your imagination!!!!!!
Regards,
Matt images/smiles/icon_wink.gif